Pittsburgh: sunny side up

Breakfast out on the town



Good morning, how many?

Table for four please.



Smoking or non?

[This is still an option in Pittsburgh]

Non.



I’ll take you'ns (Pittsburgh tries hard not to be outdone by y’all) there now. Coffee?

Yes, thanks. Could I have skim milk on the side?



Skim? We don’t have skim. Just regular 2%.

Okay, 2% then. Can you warm it up a little?



Oh gee, I don’t know. I’ll check. You want it warm. Okay, are you ready to order?

I'll have the oatmeal, please.



Just oatmeal?

Yes. Do you have honey?



Honey? I guess so. I’ll check that for you. Be right back.

(comes back with huge jar of honey)



The oatmeal comes with fresh fruit?

Sure: here’s some melon and pineapple chunks for ya.

[is there a worse combination?] Thanks.



Remaining guests to me: if you make one more difficult request, we’re leaving.



What’s so difficult about oatmeal with honey and fresh fruit (that are not pineapple or melon) and a cup of coffee with warm skim milk? I never even considered asking for a latté.